I love talking about my husband and our relationship. We met in the fall of 2006 at the BP gas station in our neighborhood. A neighborhood that we had both been living in, not far from each other for a few years. In fact, he was the drummer at the church that I had been attending ever since I moved to the area…..I had just never met him.
I was sitting in a parking space in my car, when he pulled up to talk to me. He noticed my Zeta Phi Beta tag on the front of my car. He’s in the fraternity, Phi Beta Sigma, that is the brother organization to my sorority. We exchanged numbers, and besides a few texts, we didn’t really talk to each other. A few months later, we would run into each other again in our neighborhood Wal-Mart. We were both browsing on the book aisle, he recognized me and struck up a conversation. I don’t remember all of the details of what we talked about that evening but I came away knowing that I liked him and that I would try to keep in touch. So in the spring of 2007 we began talking, he took me out to eat a couple of times to Waffle House and we just gradually began seeing each other and spending lots of time together. By the end of that summer, I had basically moved in his apartment. I was spending more time there than at my own place. By fall, I officially moved in.
I don’t know if I believe in love at first sight but I know I knew that I would be married to him. I didn’t know when but I knew I would never date anyone else and that he was the one for me. Turns out, that we were both at the end of relationships with other people when we met at the end of ’06. So in hindsight, it was probably a good thing that it took a few months for us to really get involved. During those months before we started seeing each, I went out on dates with a few men and some were good and some were horrid. I’m glad I had had this time to move on from my ex and to get a feel for the dating scene…it wasn’t really for me. I think that time prepared me for this relationship because it really helped my to narrow down what was important to me in mate.
I knew that I wanted to be with a man who was intelligent, educated and employed. He had to have a great sense of humor. NO CHILDREN. It was a bonus that he loved movies and music.
Our relationship has been laid back and easy from the beginning. Somehow we managed to skip right past the “putting on front to impress the other person” phase. We have always been comfortable with each, like we’d known each other forever.
We have our arguments and disagreements like everyone else but we don’t hold on to the hurt feelings. We either find a way to agree or agree to disagree.
I know without a doubt that he has my best interest and has my back no matter what. He knows the same about me.
We have endured some of the hardest blows that life can throw at you and it’s done nothing but make our relationship stronger. Things that would have easily broken some couples, brought us closer together.
I think we endure because when the going gets tough we choose to, with purpose and intention, support each other. We take the time to talk about what we’re feeling even if it’s painful. We remind each other that we still love each other no matter how bad things get or how bad we’re feeling.
I know it’s cliché but you really do have to keep the lines of communication open. Your spouse isn’t a mind reader. I don’t expect my husband to know or guess what I’m feeling. Often he’s got his own things that he’s feeling and it’s not that he’s not paying attention, he’s just often trying to solve problems and make things better. Just like me, he’s plate is full too. He maybe dealing with his own feelings or emotions over a situation. We try to be mindful of each other and will check in on each other by asking if everything is okay or is there anything on your mind that you need to talk about.
I let him know that I love him and that I appreciate everything thing that he does for me and our family. He is the hardest working and most generous person. He wants to always make sure that my girls and I always have what we need and even tries to give us what we want. Even if it’s the smallest thing. Even when times are tough and money is tight, he’ll find a way to put a smile on my face….usually with pizza!